I see it, there it is!

After re reading some of my other posts, I realized that most of my positive productive feelings happen after the fact, days or even weeks.  I don’t know about you but I wish I could feel them sooner.  Life has been hectic but, I realized that the finish line was just up ahead.  I could breath easy.

But then I thought wait.  The majority of that feeling is coming from the last day of the school year.  Does that cheapen it?

Decidedly No.  The finish line is the finish line, enjoy it.

I was doing a “fun” run the other day that was horribly, miserably, not fun at all.  It was suppose to be a relaxed outing where I would meet new people who enjoyed trail running, but then I realized, oh wait these are all elite athletes.  I mean look they are already at the top of that hill.  That isn’t normal, I mean they are running up a hill.  Who does that?  After getting to the top, I was in such a bad mood I couldn’t even enjoy the view.  It took me another couple of miles for me to really come out of my funk.  Then it came to me.  Relax, enjoy this, run your own race.  Which amazingly brought me some calm.  I mean don’t get me wrong I had to go up another hill and that calm was vaporized, but it came back, because I knew it was there.  Which is more then half the battle, (said the women who finished nearly last).

But the finish line was sweet, even after my 3.5 hour mental tantrum.  I came back and people were still there, and cheering me on.  I did a graceful leap at the bottom and asked, “Am I last? Is that a thing?”  Anyway, people laughed and told me to grab some food.  The person in charge of the free race was making eggs, pancakes, and bacon for everyone.

victory

And there I was again, running is the best thing ever.  These are my people.  Soda, pancakes, bacon.  I love this. This is awesome!

Ahh.  The finish line, which can seem so elusive.  But there it is, I can see it.

 

Hmmm, I wonder.

When I was younger I don’t think that I would have ever said that I would be an ultra runner.  My parents ran and I ran, but it was nothing serious.  Far from a passion, that I remember.

I don’t know the exact moment that I decided to do my first 50K it seems like a long time ago.  All I really remember is wanting to do another one.

But now after doing a couple ultras I find myself thinking.  100 miles?  I don’t know if I can, but I think I would like to try.  I mean I didn’t know if I could run 30 and I did.

Wasatch 100 dreaming It’s a lottery.  I probably won’t get it.  But I should apply.  I mean, what if.

Working to be the best version of myself, one day at a time.

There it was like a sign in the road. I like myself. Boo!

There it was like a sign in the road. I like myself. Boo!

Good morning and a happy belated mothers day to you!

Yesterday was Mothers day and since I don’t know anyone personally who reads my post, I would like to say happy mothers day to you!  Being a mother is quite possibly the hardest job EVER.  An I mean there is no way to know that before you become a mother.  It seems hard but lots of things seem hard.  But being responsible for another human or 2 or 3 or 4 is crazy.  Literally everything is on your shoulders for I don’t know 18 plus years and even after that they grow up and then just blame you for any flaws that they have.

My day was pretty ideal.

  1. Morning run (and my feet don’t hurt anymore!  thank you cortisone shot!)
  2. Brunch with the ladies!
  3. Hanging out at the bike park and watching my family roll around
  4. Pulled pork burritos
  5. A cocktail, and wait for it, another cocktail!

On my way home from brunch, I got to thinking.  I really like who I am.  It was just like that, a sign in the road, I didn’t know it was coming.  I also ran a red light at that time so you know, it was a pretty big sign.

I’ve been doing this trail race series and found out I was 5th place in my age group. What?  That blew my mind.  I’m awesome and wasn’t even trying.  I also haven’t been running lots of long miles and tried to do it the other day and was like, what?  I ran 30 miles?  Nice work self.

Life is pretty great when you get out of your head and enjoy what is around you.  I read a sign awhile ago that has stayed with me.  “Let that shit go!”

Maybe its just the amazing weather, I don’t know.  But life seems pretty good right now.

I know I was a pretty rotten teenager some times and gave my parents a run for their sanity.  But I came out on the other side of the proverbial fire okay and ready and willing to make it.

I owe a lot of who I am today to you Mom.  You did a great job.  I love you. Happy mothers day.  You are the best.

 

You got this! (that’s what the checker at Smiths said, so it must be true)

So Monday, May 1st is a good day.

May: month of triumph is not a myth, I’m making it a reality!  In the mail today I got a shirt that has “not today satan” written in large letters on the front.  One of my many new inner mantras.

I had a great run and therapy session on Sunday with a good friend.  I love running on the trails alone but its amazing what others can add and what clairity they can bring and sometimes that clairity is just talking and laughing with a friend so you feel human again and that someone has your back.

So, I have been thinking about doing a crazy diet off and on for awhile now and finally moved to the next step and talked to a dietitean.  I was hoping that speaking to her would be all I needed to do to get things in order and change my life.  Right, that sounds easy.

Backstory: I have had epilepsy for a long time, more then half my life now.  That’s crazy to say out loud (in a cyber universe).  Anyway, I found a crazy diet called the Modified Atkins Diet (MAD) that could potentally take me off my meds.  Which is a big deal to me.  I met with a dietitian to go over the ins and outs of what it meant and she said there is a note here about you doing marathons, tell me more about that.  I told her that I like to run far and she said that she didn’t think that would be sustainable on the MAD diet.  And I was like….

Well for some reason when she said that I kinda freaked out.  Not run ultras?  What?  That’s the only time I have to myself.  How will I make it as a Mom and NOT do that?  I have lofty ultra goals and now what?  But then haven’t I wanted to be med free forever?

So then I had to spend several days all up in my head trying to figure out who I am.

Well, problem not solved.  Not sure yet, but I’m sure its coming…I’m right on the verge of a major breakthrough.  Whatever, one step at a time.

Today was a good day and its going to be a great May.

Me 1.  Satan 0.