Dear Summer,

 

20160801_105534(Sigh)

Tomorrow is the last day of school.  I made it.

This has been a hard year, but I made it through and am not looking too much worse for the wear, or at least people are nice enough to not say anything.  Anyway, I am looking forward to many days of your sunshine and day drinks.  A week or so ago it had been raining and the sun came out and like a kid I looked up at the sky and smiled as it warmed me all over and I felt refreshed and excited for what lay ahead.

This summer I would like to do the following (in no particular order except for number 1).

  1. Turn off my alarm
  2. Wear flip flops more
  3. Drink on porches
  4. Lay down in the grass and stretch out
  5. Get sand in between my toes
  6. Run on the sand, mountains, and any other non road surface
  7. Play in the water
  8. Day drink with little umbrella’s in each glass
  9. Hang out with my family
  10. Enjoy being a mom, that is not bound by a crazy schedule
  11. Help build our cabin
  12. Just be

My many many wishes for everyone this summer include relaxing and enjoying the extra hours of daylight.  Sit outside more, but don’t forget the sunblock.  Eat lots of Popsicle and develop deep flip flop tans.  Please close your eyes and day dream just a little bit more and get outside and get dirty running on some trails.

I lift my drink to you my friend.  Enjoy!

My Life in Pictures

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I see it, there it is!

After re reading some of my other posts, I realized that most of my positive productive feelings happen after the fact, days or even weeks.  I don’t know about you but I wish I could feel them sooner.  Life has been hectic but, I realized that the finish line was just up ahead.  I could breath easy.

But then I thought wait.  The majority of that feeling is coming from the last day of the school year.  Does that cheapen it?

Decidedly No.  The finish line is the finish line, enjoy it.

I was doing a “fun” run the other day that was horribly, miserably, not fun at all.  It was suppose to be a relaxed outing where I would meet new people who enjoyed trail running, but then I realized, oh wait these are all elite athletes.  I mean look they are already at the top of that hill.  That isn’t normal, I mean they are running up a hill.  Who does that?  After getting to the top, I was in such a bad mood I couldn’t even enjoy the view.  It took me another couple of miles for me to really come out of my funk.  Then it came to me.  Relax, enjoy this, run your own race.  Which amazingly brought me some calm.  I mean don’t get me wrong I had to go up another hill and that calm was vaporized, but it came back, because I knew it was there.  Which is more then half the battle, (said the women who finished nearly last).

But the finish line was sweet, even after my 3.5 hour mental tantrum.  I came back and people were still there, and cheering me on.  I did a graceful leap at the bottom and asked, “Am I last? Is that a thing?”  Anyway, people laughed and told me to grab some food.  The person in charge of the free race was making eggs, pancakes, and bacon for everyone.

victory

And there I was again, running is the best thing ever.  These are my people.  Soda, pancakes, bacon.  I love this. This is awesome!

Ahh.  The finish line, which can seem so elusive.  But there it is, I can see it.

 

Hmmm, I wonder.

When I was younger I don’t think that I would have ever said that I would be an ultra runner.  My parents ran and I ran, but it was nothing serious.  Far from a passion, that I remember.

I don’t know the exact moment that I decided to do my first 50K it seems like a long time ago.  All I really remember is wanting to do another one.

But now after doing a couple ultras I find myself thinking.  100 miles?  I don’t know if I can, but I think I would like to try.  I mean I didn’t know if I could run 30 and I did.

Wasatch 100 dreaming It’s a lottery.  I probably won’t get it.  But I should apply.  I mean, what if.

Working to be the best version of myself, one day at a time.

There it was like a sign in the road. I like myself. Boo!

There it was like a sign in the road. I like myself. Boo!

Good morning and a happy belated mothers day to you!

Yesterday was Mothers day and since I don’t know anyone personally who reads my post, I would like to say happy mothers day to you!  Being a mother is quite possibly the hardest job EVER.  An I mean there is no way to know that before you become a mother.  It seems hard but lots of things seem hard.  But being responsible for another human or 2 or 3 or 4 is crazy.  Literally everything is on your shoulders for I don’t know 18 plus years and even after that they grow up and then just blame you for any flaws that they have.

My day was pretty ideal.

  1. Morning run (and my feet don’t hurt anymore!  thank you cortisone shot!)
  2. Brunch with the ladies!
  3. Hanging out at the bike park and watching my family roll around
  4. Pulled pork burritos
  5. A cocktail, and wait for it, another cocktail!

On my way home from brunch, I got to thinking.  I really like who I am.  It was just like that, a sign in the road, I didn’t know it was coming.  I also ran a red light at that time so you know, it was a pretty big sign.

I’ve been doing this trail race series and found out I was 5th place in my age group. What?  That blew my mind.  I’m awesome and wasn’t even trying.  I also haven’t been running lots of long miles and tried to do it the other day and was like, what?  I ran 30 miles?  Nice work self.

Life is pretty great when you get out of your head and enjoy what is around you.  I read a sign awhile ago that has stayed with me.  “Let that shit go!”

Maybe its just the amazing weather, I don’t know.  But life seems pretty good right now.

I know I was a pretty rotten teenager some times and gave my parents a run for their sanity.  But I came out on the other side of the proverbial fire okay and ready and willing to make it.

I owe a lot of who I am today to you Mom.  You did a great job.  I love you. Happy mothers day.  You are the best.

 

You got this! (that’s what the checker at Smiths said, so it must be true)

So Monday, May 1st is a good day.

May: month of triumph is not a myth, I’m making it a reality!  In the mail today I got a shirt that has “not today satan” written in large letters on the front.  One of my many new inner mantras.

I had a great run and therapy session on Sunday with a good friend.  I love running on the trails alone but its amazing what others can add and what clairity they can bring and sometimes that clairity is just talking and laughing with a friend so you feel human again and that someone has your back.

So, I have been thinking about doing a crazy diet off and on for awhile now and finally moved to the next step and talked to a dietitean.  I was hoping that speaking to her would be all I needed to do to get things in order and change my life.  Right, that sounds easy.

Backstory: I have had epilepsy for a long time, more then half my life now.  That’s crazy to say out loud (in a cyber universe).  Anyway, I found a crazy diet called the Modified Atkins Diet (MAD) that could potentally take me off my meds.  Which is a big deal to me.  I met with a dietitian to go over the ins and outs of what it meant and she said there is a note here about you doing marathons, tell me more about that.  I told her that I like to run far and she said that she didn’t think that would be sustainable on the MAD diet.  And I was like….

Well for some reason when she said that I kinda freaked out.  Not run ultras?  What?  That’s the only time I have to myself.  How will I make it as a Mom and NOT do that?  I have lofty ultra goals and now what?  But then haven’t I wanted to be med free forever?

So then I had to spend several days all up in my head trying to figure out who I am.

Well, problem not solved.  Not sure yet, but I’m sure its coming…I’m right on the verge of a major breakthrough.  Whatever, one step at a time.

Today was a good day and its going to be a great May.

Me 1.  Satan 0.

May: Month of Triumph!

Oh my gosh!  April has literally been the hardest month of my remembered life.  Juniper in the hospital, Everett sick with an ear infection, my foot hurt, complications with the cabin, Eddie sick, me sick, blah blah blah.  Not doing much for my steps toward being the best version of myself.  I have literally been just surviving.  Going to bed at 8:30, drinking lots of soda, not doing much in the line of self care or love. OMG! We all have moments like this in our life, but they are brutal.  A good friend once told me when I was knee deep in self doubt and physical pain (an ultra) that this is tough, but I can do tough stuff.

I got this.

May is right around the corner, there it is on my calendar, just days away…I have decided May will be my month of triumph!  I will put into action all the things that have been bouncing around in my head.  I can’t wait.

Please please please May, show up early.

Motivation in pictures

Maximum Joy

I  found this little gem at the beginning of the year and keep a copy at work and at home to help keep me focused and smiling.  I think I would make only one modification to it.  Number one is stop doing shit you hate and seven is be freaking brave.  I’m busy, so I don’t have time to be brave all the time, I mean it can be really time consuming and mentally and physically draining.

When I have free time I need it to be Maximum Joy!

Lot’s of my lady friends are great mountain bikers and my husband and now son are getting in on the action.  I tried to like it but its just out of my comfort zone.  Two of my lady friends said that they cried every time that they went out for the first year!  Granted they were in much different parts of life then we are now.  Like no kids, crazy job, or the nine million other things.  What can I say, I’m a late bloomer and am just now getting around to an adventurous side.  But anyway, I don’t have time for crying during my precious free time.  Maximum Joy, and that is it.  I grab my running shoes and head for the mountains.

So I would say… be brave but do what you love!

Because pictures are the best! Find me on instagram

 

2017 New Years Resolutions

Oh my goodness, I don’t know how I got into resolutions but I LOVE THEM!  I feel like after New Years is one of the saddest times of the year.  There has been months of parties and cheer and then, nothing.  It kills me every year and I think resolutions help me stay focused and positive going into the new year.  One of my friends said that if you write down a goal you are 30% more likely to follow through with it and achieve success.  That sounds good to me.  It could be less, it could be more, but 30% will work for me too.  I’m also a special education teacher so writing goals is kind of my thing.

I like to have some that are easy and other that are hard so even when I am struggling with a few goals, I’m still doing really well with others.

Anyway, I know the suspense is killing you.

Resolutions for 2017:

  1. Stop and hug and kiss my husband
  2. Tushar marathon
  3. Stick to the budget
  4. Save $50 a month for a trip to Bora Bora
  5. Phone off 5-7
  6. 2 Sodas a week
  7. House: simple. clean. uncluttered.
  8. Put it away – stay organized
  9. Put some effort in: concealer, blush, mascara
  10. Attempt mountaineering
  11. Look a little more put together
  12. Pack good lunches
  13. Meet new people
  14. Do you want that cookie? Have some yummy water first.

Big list you say?  Well come on now, why just have three goals for 365 days, I mean dream big people.

So here is my reasoning:

  1. I know, hug and kiss your husband.  My initial thought when writing this was that I was totally lame and not a good wife.  But life is just so busy.  I don’t stop to enjoy the small things because I am packing lunches (a surprisingly annoying thing to do) or doing the laundry, cleaning the house, working full time, and wrangling 2 kids.  I wanted to stop and focus on something else I love but had been ignoring, not on purpose, but because life got in the way.
  2. Tushar Marathon.  Last year I completed 2 ultras.  The Bryce Canyon 50K and Dead Horse Point 50K and in a way it kind of changed my life.  I know silly.  But the ability to push through something that hard was shocking and inspiring.  I was actually inspiring myself.  The Tushar race looked amazing, and I wanted the opportunity to get out there and see such a beautiful place.  However, this is one goal I am not going to be able to complete.  My husband and I have taken on the monumental task of building our dream home, from the ground up, and there is no way I can get in the time to prep, so I will have to wait for another year.  Instead I have joined the Wasatch Trail Race Series on Wednesday nights and have loved just being active and doing what I love and meeting new people, which is kind of why I love to race, so it works out.
  3. Stick to the budget.  Ahh.  I hate this one but it has allowed us to do a lot of wonderful things, including building our dream home so I guess not being crazy at the grocery store has paid off…but sometimes those delicious $2 yogurts get me.  I’m a sucker.
  4. Save $50 a month for Bora Bora. I know at that rate I won’t be able to go for another 10 years, minimum.  But its baby steps and all that I can manage at this time.  So its gotta work.
  5. Phone off from 5 until the kid’s bedtime.  This one is hard.  I can’t do it unless I put my phone in another room.  How lame is that?  But there are just so many things to look at mindlessly.  But they really aren’t that important in the long run and I don’t want my kids to describe me as a mom who is constantly on the phone.  So those hours are just for them.  This resolution I have not been good at lately but I am renewing my dedication to it, because it is good for me and good for my family.
  6. 2 Sodas a week.  Okay this one is an all out fail and I have lots of great excuses for it. The list is: Life is just so busy, to keep up I need a Coke.  Raising kids is hard, to keep up I need a Coke.  Working full time is crazy, to keep up I need a Coke.  Building a dream home is insane, to keep up I need a Coke.  Sticking to a budget when I would rather buy clothes and other immediate happiness items is frustrating, to calm myself I drink an immediate happiness beverage, a Coke. The list goes on my friends.  I know soda isn’t good for you but one vise, or 5 isn’t going to kill me, and even if it does…I don’t know how to end that.  I don’t want to die, but sometimes I think I will if I don’t get a Coke!

Too much explaining is a bad thing.  I’ll just keep my head down and stay focused and do the best I can.

BEST VERSION OF MYSELF!

Coming your way.

Ray of Sunshine!

I started this site about a year ago, or so it tells me, but haven’t used it much since then.  Things have been good but busy and I feel like I have been a down, depressed, and just overall negative.  I don’t want to be that person anymore, I choose to be the best version of myself!  Which kind of sounds corny to me and kinda sounds like the best thing anyone could be doing.

I made a long list of New Years Resolutions, which I do every year and was doing great but in the last few months I have fallen off the horse for sure.  Well its time to pick myself up and put my money where my mouth is.  Starting today, I’m going to be a ray of sunshine, insert eye roll!  No, I’m going to be the best person I can be and be honest about it at the same time.  If you think this is going to be the typical picture perfect, I made a four course dinner for six, home school all my children, and am a ripped cross fit mommy blog please save us both and look else where.

It’s just going to be me.  Working on being the best version of myself.